Welcome To My Life
by GabrieltheTrickster
Summary: Carlos wakes from a nightmare, and it forces Logan to take action. Carlos is forced to disclose his past, and Logan can't believe what happened. Anti-Bullying *True Story*


**Author's Note: **This story is 100% true. I'm not kidding. I hate hiding who I am from everyone and everything so I'm stepping out of the shadows. Every act, every moment in this story is my life. I've done all this. Sorry if I make you cry or you become depressed. But I'm always here. PM me if you need someone to talk to. So, here is my life, laid out in Cargan angst.

**Warning: **abuse, language, m/m friendship, and so much angst it's leaking out my screen, attempted suicide

**Disclaimer: **I own everything. But anything familiar I might mention isn't owned by me neither is BTR.

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><p><em>~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~<em>

"_You horrible son of a bitch! It's always your fault!" she screamed_

"_I'm sorry mami! I didn't mean it!" Carlos pleaded_

"_You will never amount to anything you bastard!" She raised her fist again._

"_Please, don't hit me again!" Carlos flinched as her fist came down and slammed into his stomach. _

_The five year old Carlos shrieked in pain as more blows came, never ceasing. His father just watched._

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><p>Carlos woke screaming his head off. He had effectively roused his roommate, James, and his other band mates from their slumbers and all three boys were gathered around the shaking Latino.<p>

"Carlos, are you alright" Kendall asked, his emerald eyes flashing with concern.

"Yeah. I'm surprised Bitters didn't call the police. You were screaming like someone was killing you or something." James stated, his hair tousled in all different directions.

Carlos just shook his head. "Just a nightmare. I'll be fine. Go back to bed guys."

James and Kendall happily obliged and returned to their warm beds. Logan, however, stayed.

Logan watched his best friend. The two of them were seated on Carlos' bed, looking at each other. "Carlos, I know that you're hiding something from us. Whatever it is, you can tell us. We love you Carlos, no matter what."

Logan placed a soft hand on Carlos' muscular shoulder before leaving the room. As the door closed, Carlos rose and walked into the living room. He sat on their bright orange couch and buried his face in his hands, sobbing silently.

"What am I doing here?" he asked himself. "My entire life here is a lie. I can't tell them about my mother, and I can't tell them why I was so anxious to move here to LA. Why me?" Carlos whispered to himself.

For the rest of the night, he sat in the darkness, pleading with his conscious. He wanted nothing more than to tell his brothers everything. But something was holding the innocent Latino back. Carlos rose abruptly. He gave up. He was so sick and tired of being told he was stupid and wouldn't amount to anything. He walked to the bathroom.

Carlos positioned himself above the white tub, Mama Knight's razor clasped tightly in his right hand. The salty tears were leaving silver trickles down his face as he mentally said goodbye to everyone he loved. He pressed the sharp razor to the flesh of his wrist, crying out in pain. He quickly shut his mouth so no one would hear.

Suddenly, Carlos heard a knocking at the door. "Carlos? Is that you? Are you ok?" He heard Logan's voice travel through the door and he tried to stop crying. "Ye..Yeah Logan. I'm totally fine. No worries." He heard his voice cracking and hoped Logan wouldn't notice.

Carlos jumped when a loud slam resonated from behind him. He spun around to see Logan standing in the doorway, eyes wide in fear and adrenaline. He tried to hide the cuts, but Logan pulled his wrist forward.

"Carlos! What is going on?" Logan shouted, tears filling his brown eyes. Carlos looked into his eyes and then down at the floor. "I…I hate hiding from you guys. I hate the memories, and I hate that I can't tell anyone anything. Everything would be better if I was gone!"

Logan stood in the doorway, minorly shocked. He had never seen Carlos show any signs of depression, and this was definitely a sign. Logan looked at Carlos before pulling him out of the cramped bathroom and pulling him into the living room.

Carlos sat on the couch, unmoving, his sad expression unchanging as Logan bandaged up his wrist. Soon, he was facing his best friend's eyes, all filled with concern and fear.

"Carlos, you have to tell me whatever you're hiding," Logan said softly to the raven haired boy. "Please, Carlos." He pleaded.

Carlos took a shaky breath before leaning in and kissing Logan lightly on the lips he pulled back. "P..Please don't be mad, Logie. I…I love you. I've loved you since I came out in seventh grade. You always stood up for me when I was shoved into lockers, beaten up, hit with books and eggs and you never once accepted any praise."

Logan sat, totally in shock. True, he had been there for Carlos during his bullying days, but he never imagined that Carlos could be in love with him. "Carlos, I…I love you too." Logan leaned in and kissed Carlos again. The two smashed their lips together, tongues dancing elaborately.

Soon, both boys realized the need for oxygen as they pulled away from each other. "Now, tell me what's really bothering you, Carlitos" Logan asked again, slightly panting.

"Remember how I always had tons of bruises when we were little?" Carlos asked shyly.

Logan nodded. "You told us you were always falling down or getting boarded. So?" Carlos shook his head slowly as more tears rolled down his tan cheeks. "I was lying to you. I could never tell you until today because I was afraid of what would happen to me if I said anything in Minnesota."

Logan could hear Carlos' voice cracking as he choked out sentences. He wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders. "Hey, it's ok if you don't want to tell me. I'm not going to push you into it."

Carlos smiled weakly. "No, I'm done hiding the truth from you. All those bruises weren't because of my clumsiness. My mom used to beat me. Every time something bad happened, she would hit me over and over until I blacked out from pain. And my dad did nothing to stop her. And a lot of it came from me being gay. It's why I have nightmares." Carlos looked at Logan, his mocha eyes showing the truth behind his words.

Logan couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He cried openly, hugging Carlos to his chest. "Oh my God, Carlitos! Why did you never say anything to us?" Logan's voice went from concerned to angry. "I'm going to kill her. I'm going to make her suffer for hurting you."

Carlos placed a tan hand on Logan's chest. "No, Logan. Please. It's over now. I'm safe here, with you and James and Kendall and Mama Knight. But there is more to the story." Carlos held his wrists out to Logan.

"Remember freshman year when I was missing for three months?" Logan nodded, remembering how everyone was wondering what had happened to the bouncy Hispanic teen. Carlos took a shaky breath.

"I spent those months locked away in a psych ward. I wanted to die so badly I was cutting myself until the loss of blood made me pass out. When my mom found out, she beat me and then had me institutionalized because she wanted, and I quote, "her bastard fag of a son out of her life"." Carlos pressed his face into Logan's shoulder.

Logan had nothing to say. His fists were rapidly clenching and unclenching as he contemplated the chances of him getting away with murder. "Carlos, I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to go through that kind of torture. " Logan pressed a few light kisses to the feathery scars that criss crossed Carlos' wrists. They appeared like little white lines against the golden tan of Carlos.

Logan and Carlos sat in living room, neither one of them speaking as they cried into each other's shoulders for what felt like hours. Carlos was the first to speak up.

"Please, don't hate my mother. I just recently learned that she has schizophrenia and she couldn't control it. She never wanted me to be hurt. It wasn't her fault, I promise. If you should hate anyone, hate my dad for never doing anything about it."

Logan's jaw dropped. "Your father…he just let her beat you into nothing? That sick bastard." Logan stood and began pacing the floor before sitting again.

"Carlos, thank you for telling me all this. Thank you for trusting me to keep your secrets. I love you, so much, Carlos and if you ever feel like you want to die, come find me and I will make everything better."

Carlos smiled. "Logan. If anyone here needs to be thanked, it's you. You have been saving my life for so many years that I've lost track. In Minnesota, when I was bullied into suicide, you were there to pick me up. Here and now, it's you, not James or Kendall, but you who is here to pick me up off the ground and reassemble my broken body." Carlos could hear the cracks in his soft voice.

"And believe it or not, but the entire time I was in the psych ward, all I could think about was you. I wrote a hundred letters to you, but I never sent one. I was too afraid that you'd hate me. You are my hero."

Logan began crying at Carlos' sweet words. "Oh, Carlos. I'm no hero. I was just being a good friend."

Carlos grasped his shoulders. "Logan, you are a hero. You're one of those good Samaritan heroes. Just by being you, I was saved. I love you," Carlos said as he snuggled against Logan's chest.

"I love you, too, Carlos" Logan whispered as their eyelids fluttered shut. Just before sleep overcame them, Carlos looked up at Logan. "Welcome to my life, Logie Bear" he whispered before falling asleep on Logan's chest.

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><p><strong>Note:<strong> I want to make something clear.** THIS WAS IN THE PAST! **It's not like this too much anymore. Please know I'm safe now and things are ok. Wow. I think this is the most depressing thing I've ever written. I've been crying the whole time. So emotional. So yeah. All true. Hope you liked it and I'm sorry if I made you sad.


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